That definitely isn't a photo of me binging on catnip! That's a nice bowl of cereal I was enjoying before my mid-morning water-ski. I am an expert waterskiier, and have a man-made waterskiing lake underneath my house. I don't just stand in the bath wearing 3-D goggles, pretending to be a water-skiier.
My other pastimes include watching porn, avoiding that shoe-stealing tramp, and the occasional sexual exploit with Carol Thetwat. Next time, Carol, will you bring the full-body dog suit? And practice your slobbering.
Right, I'm off. I have to go and make - I mean, buy - some more animals. But don't expect me to sell them to you. They're MINE and I LOVE them.
Horatio Chin, Petshop owner
Hi there. Horatio Chin here. I am the owner and proprietor of the Pilkington Petshop. My Petshop is a very special type of petshop, in which no pets are actually available for sale. They are ALL MINE and you can't have any of them.
Some people say that I don't actually run a petshop at all - that I just spend my time peering out from beneath my net curtains to see which residents I can report to the Mayor for misdemeanors. This is NOT TRUE! I spend all my time working hard in my pet shop, and definitely don't spend hours watching Bargain Hunt or getting high on catnip.
There are also some who allege that there are no real animals in my petshop - that they are cheaply fashioned replicas, made from bits of fur. This is a LIE! All my animals are 100% real! To prove it, here is a sample of the animals currently residing in my petshop:
