Oh my gawd! If it isn't me very own website!
I spose I should use it to advertise me cleaning, but I don't really want to - I bloody hate cleaning. If only someone would pay me to read OK Magazine, that'd be alright! I bloody love that magazine - I'd marry it if I could. But I've looked into it and apparently you have to convert to Scientology in order to be allowed to marry inanimate objects. Isn't that right, Katie Holmes?!!
And before you ask, yes, I do 'ave a weird lump on me head. I know it looks a bit like a hat, but it's not, it's part of me head. It's a rare fatty deposit condition that quite a few people suffer from - J-Lo has it in her arse (along with magical powers, some folks say).
Now then. What alse can I tell you about meself? Well, I've been a cleaner for twenty-five years (And I bloody hate it). I had a brief singing career a few years back, as part of a double act with Tommy Leghorn, but children would start to cry when they saw me lump and in the end he decided to go solo.
Since then I've been trying to save up to get me lump removed, but I've never really managed 'cos I spend most of me money on LSD.
Oh my lawd! Did you hear about that Mayor? Well, apparently he used to be a model for porn mags. Would you believe it! I saw him in one of my back-issues of 'Big, Hard and Horny' magazine.
And he's got a massive donger - it was so big it looked like it was jumping off the page and coming right at me! It was bright blue and after a minute it starting singing a little song - I think it was a jazzed up version of Peter Andre's 'Mysterious Girl'. It even got out a little bongo at one point, and started drumming away!
Well, either that or it was me LSD playing tricks with me again!
Oh, gawd, and I almost forgot - I've got a MySpace page an' all. www.myspace.com/maureenthecleaner
At least I think I set one up - although it's quite possible that I just imagined it when I got high and tried to climb inside the hoover.
