Don Swisher (and Lionel Ritchie)
NEW!! Don Swisher's "Hello" video (click to view)
Hi. Don Swisher here. This is my website, I hope you like it. Eventually it's going to be really big. It will be at least four times the size of anyone else's website! I'm talking MASSIVE.
I like everything in my world to be big, apart from my penis, which is TINY. But I like it that way. It makes everything else seem that bit bigger.
That's me, Don Swisher, holding a Lionel Ritchie album. I tend to prefer vinyl to cds (Vinyl is over TWICE THE SIZE of a cd) but this one was in the bargain bin at HMV and I couldn't resist it. Look at his moustache! As you can see, I have styled mine so that it is almost identical.
What do you think of my jacket? I bought it in HIGH AND MIGHTY, the shop for tall and large men. It's a little big for me, as I'm only 5 foot 7, but I don't give a damn! Big is best.
And in case you're wondering about my beret, that's a permanent fixture on my person. A couple of years ago I had a barbeque for my birthday and it set on fire. Unfortunately my wig was acrylic and it welded itself to my head - it simply wouldn't wash off, no matter how much I scrubbed. So I bought this beret to cover the offending section of melted wig. I'm pretty attached to it now - in fact, I'm literally attached to it. The beret stuck to the melted part of the wig. Luckily it's yellow and thus matches the majority of my brightly coloured wardrobe.
Ah Lionel, how I love thee. It's no wonder that blind woman made a clay sculpure of your face - it's so incredible and MASSIVE! It's like you have the face of ten men! I watch that amazing "Hello" video at least three times a day, and more when I make love to myself.
I tried to make a clay sculpture of Lionel's face. I made it so MASSIVE that I had to use a large sponge as a support (I had originally intended to use the sponge as Lionel's hair, but had to re-think matters when his enormous chin began to collapse).
I entered the Lionel clay head in the Pilkington Art festival, but unfortunately my efforts were overlooked in favour of a crude drawn crayon drawing of a monkey, by Johnny Bun.
I now keep the Lionel Head in pride of place, in the area of my bedsit that I like to call 'The Lionel and Chopped Wood area'. Here is a photograph of it:
I'm going to go now, and listen to my Lionel Box set. And then I'm going to go to Budgens and ask Henriette, the fruit and veg girl, if she fancies knocking me off at five.
Oh, and by the way - I also have a MySpace page: www.myspace.com/donswisher
Ok, See you later.
NEW!! Don Swisher's "Hello" video (click to view)
