Hello children! I'm Leonard Monkeylove, the travelling creampuff seller. You may also know me as 'Magical Mr Pastry' (my stage name), or possibly as 'that man who hangs around outside the school'.
Why not come and try one of my delicious puffs?! Come to me, children! My puffs are crispy and creamy - like Crispycreme donuts, but smaller and with a few more tranquilisers.
Listen to the magical music of my pipe whilst you eat! You're getting sleepy, aren't you? You want to come and live with me, in my cave, don't you?! Don't cry! Don't cry! I will love you. I will show you the wonders of my cave (not a sexual euphemism. I live in a cave) and will teach you to play the recorder. You will love me! You will love me like mummy and daddy never did!
I learnt the skills of musical hypnotism in 1979 when I visited the Pied Piper museum in Hamlin. It was here that I also learnt to play the piano, thanks to a very kind man called Ray, who took it upon himself to teach me every Thursday. I can play 'Chopsticks' and 'The flight of the Bumble Bee' as well as the complete works of Gary Barlow. Unfortunately I can't fit a piano in my cave, so I now make do with playing the recorder (I teach classes on Wednesdays in the Pilkington village hall).
My cave is a place of many delights (apart from Turkish delights. They're too squishy and they make me feel sick) - there you will meet my sidekick and lover, 'Monkey', who is a monkey.
Monkey and I have been together for many years, after he ran away from his tyrannical owner, who tried to feed him monkey nuts instead of creampuffs, and who constantly tried to talk to him about Jeff Goldbluum. Monkey is a wild but considerate lover, and enjoys wearing a creampuff as a hat when we make love.
Both Monkey and I also have a page on 'Myspace' - to maximise our child-enticing possibilities. My page is www.myspace.com/travellingcreampuffseller
I am also planning to put some knitting patterns on here soon, as well as some basic cream-puff recipes, for those who share my enthusiasm for woolen socks and hypnotic pastries.
See you soon, children!
Leonard Monkeylove's page of Creampuffs and hypnotism
