Well, gosh, look at this! My very own website! Little Aunty Carol! This is the first time I've had my own site. Although of course I did try to set up a www.carols_sluts.com in '98 - but unfortunately people kept getting it confused with a naked carol singers website, and it flopped.

Usually I can cope when things flop (I'm talking about penises!!!) but in this case I didn't bother. But now I'm back! Oh yes, how exciting! That's a picture of me, doing a bit of washing up. I like a nice bit of washing up. I'm also an avid collector of tea-towels. I've got a hundred and fifty three, and counting. That's almost as many as the number of notches on my bedpost!

My favourite tea-towel is one I got from Leicester, in a cheese shop. It's got pictures of seven different types of cheese! Oh yes.

Oh, and what's this? That's right, it's my very own signed photo of Robbie Williams. I love little Robbie! Look at his spangly pants! I'd certainly like to get into those pants, oh yes. I hear he's got a massive one. And I'm not talking about a successful album - I'm talking about his penis!

So, if you're an eligible bachelor, why not get in touch. You can email photos (naked if possible) to auntycarol at ruthpickett. co. uk

And I'm not joking about the naked part! I like to see what I'm getting. Although to be honest, I'm not too choosey. Anything with a cock will do! And I'm not talking about the farmyard animal. Although I did do that once.

Oh yes, and I've also got a nice Myspace page, in case there are any hunky band members (and their members!!!!) out there. It's www.myspace.com/auntythetwat

I'd better be off! I've got to go and meet Horatio Chin from the Petshop for a nice bit of hanky-panky (I'm talking about SEX!!!)

LOVE Aunty Carol Thetwat xxx